1990 - Oil on Canvas
A gift for my sister on her 11th birthday.
Around 1989-92, I tried to adapt to being female by modelling my APPEARANCE after Madonna. (I did not adopt her identity - I was punk/industrial in nature.) I thought it might make being in the wrong body easier. I guess it helped for a while. But it always just felt like a costume. Like I was in drag.
There is a misconception that I was/am ashamed of my sexuality. I was actually pretty shameless about it. I had flaunted a bisexual image since my early teens (when I felt forced to be a sexual being), even though I had no idea what I was. I was never in the closet in that regard. My parents knew I was in a relationship with a girl in the early 90s. I even took her with me to visit them. What I WAS made to feel ashamed of, as far back as I can remember, was my gender identity and expression; my masculinity. I had never felt like a female. When I was a child, I did not feel like a little girl. And when puberty hit, I was devastated.